Always a crazy balance. Do I bring them places where we’re likely to have a severe double scream fest? Or do I keep them home where we’re likely to have a severe double scream fest anyway because a bored Wilma just pushes all of Fred’s buttons?
The things said about my children:
“maybe you should have left him at home”.
“why does she bring them here if she knows they can’t handle it?”
“they should be living in residential— why does she keep them at home?”
“BOTH her kids act like this—- must be the parenting skills”
and on the other hand…
“they’re scapegoating their kids again— they should have come and brought them (even though there will be hundreds of people)”
“your kids can totally handle this (glad you know them better than we do!)”
“my granddaughter would NEVER behave like THAT!”
“is your son still a retard?”
“why does your son act like a banshee?”
If we don’t come to something, please understand. And if we DO come and something happens, please understand. Sometimes I’m willing to try and sometimes I’m not. For instance if I know certain people will be there and I know it will be a trigger, we’ll stay home, thanks.
#youmightbeanautismparentif you ask your son with a genius level IQ to put on his pajamas. Because you’re downstairs chatting with your dinner guest instead of upstairs telling him what to do next he thinks that means bring the jammies downstairs to put them on. We sent him back up before it happened but…. I know *MY* IQ went down a few points.
Vent I posted on facebook:
Yes, I post the funny stuff and the lighthearted stuff and the stuff that (hopefully) will mostly make you smile….. about my children. I don’t post often about her colon diagnoses and her nightly medical treatments or the fact that he’s almost 12 and still biting strangers (but thankfully, more often, just mom and dad, the fact that he got kicked out of public school and goes to a special behavior program, or the fact that she’s only successful in school because of highly trained intervention specialists that know what to do when a middle school student starts crying under a desk to escape a task……. I TRY to keep facebook posts lighthearted and fun and that’s why I post a lot of funny things my kids say and I don’t post a lot about the bruises I’ve gotten from my kids or the permanent damage done to one of my fingers or the amount of intense screaming that happens in this house during ABA hours.
But if you for a moment think that means that I should be able to plop my kids overnight with a babysitter and go wherever, or that I should be able to take my kids WITH me and go somewhere they’ve never been…..no, I do not travel without them. And no, I do not travel with them. You can call it scapegoating if you want, but until you learn all you need to know to do her colon flush and all you need to know to response block his attacks, AND offer to babysit even for one night, this is life over here. If you’re horribly offended that we don’t come to see you, you’re welcome to unfriend us, facebook wise and otherwise. Our true friends GET IT.
Some of you know that both of my kids do “ABA” for multiple hours a week but have no idea what that means. I like this video because it shows a real life example of a child being prompted to put his shoes away, put away groceries, pack his lunch, and walk the dog.
In our house, real life examples are different than this and include playing a game by the rules from beginning to end, having a conversation that starts, flows nicely, and stops, doing math homework with minimal screaming (Wilma), practicing piano with minimal screaming (Fred), riding a bike while paying attention to cars coming out of driveways, going to the store and paying for items, appropriately greeting visitors who come to the door, clearing the table, putting away laundry, sweeping, changing trash bags, etc etc etc. Wilma likes to help me cook. Both kids worked very hard on shoe tying and mastered it. Wilma worked very hard on the dinnertime skill of not interrupting. Fred worked very hard on the dinnertime skill of using utensils and not hands. Many of these things are what neurotypical kids pick up naturally but our kids need extra support. For us, ABA is a structured way to give them that extra support. Fred likes to work for candy. Wilma most recently worked for a little purse from Justice. Both earn money— Fred likes to spend his on hotwheels and Wilma likes to spend hers on virtual currency in the “Roblox” game.
Hope that was a good explanation!