Musings from an Orthodox Jewish work at home mom of twins with Autism Spectrum Disorders.

This morning a Rabbi in the community who clearly has it in for my husband was seriously offended that my husband wore a blue shirt….. to minyan!  *gasp*.  He had family in from out of town and he told my husband he was attempting to “showcase people in the community”.

If this Rabbi could spend this much time working on his middos and the middos of his children and his students……

 

 

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I’m no longer allowed to vent this stuff on facebook so I’ll head here now everytime my husband gets harassed or touched.  Because if I don’t vent, smoke starts coming out of my ears.

So today in synagogue (not his usual synagogue) a third grader yelled at my husband “hey fatty— you’re FAT!” over and over and over again.  His father was standing there doing nothing about it.  Then he KICKED him.  The father still did nothing about it.  Then my husband exploded (we’re working on our anger management issues….) and HE (my husband) was told he over-reacted.

Just waiting now for the phone call from the kid’s school principal because you know that’s coming next.  Every time a kid of a Rebbe, Rav, rich community member or important community member harasses my hubby and he doesn’t take it sitting down……  the phone calls come.

 

My Kids Are Going to Jail!

In the category of:  Stupid Things Said To My Husband That I’m Not Allowed To Post On Facebook:

“Your kids are going to jail someday because they go to public school.”

This from someone who has NEVER met either of our children.

Hubby won’t let me post it on facebook because of certain facebook friends of mine who will complain to their husbands that I “badmouth the community” and then the husbands bitch at him at minyan, daf, etc.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to badmouth anyone if anyone knew how to keep their traps shut.  And I name no names.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your ten year old, at 6:45 am, is working on memorizing all the counties of Texas.

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Me rushing Fred through the bath time process…. “ok strip and get in the tub”. Fred: “but I don’t want to become a stripper….”

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Me to Wilma: “I’m not going to want you in my bed watching the news tonight at 10:30— sleep, please.” My smartass ten year old: “I don’t think the news is on tonight– it’s going to be football.”

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#youmightbeanautismparentif your ten year old can calculate sin cos and tan but still manage to put his underwear on backwards.

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one thing we’re working on in ABA is dinnertime conversation—- instead just yammering about whatever is on our own mind, we are supposed to ask each other questions. How was your day? (for example) and ask questions about what someone just said, etc.

So Wilma just came home and with no prompting asked “how was your day?” I started to answer and she said “I asked you now so I won’t need to ask you during dinner…..” HAH!

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#youmightbeanautismparentif you’re woken up on Shabbos to a ten year old perfectly singing an Irish drinking song in your ear.

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In discussing with Miss thang that her cecostomy flushes haven’t been effective for the past couple of days, she said and I quote…. “my colon is on a coffee break”.

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#youmightbeanautismparentif your kid goes to mincha with Abba, davens nicely, then waits till the end to announce that the prayers are about loving HaShem….. breaking into Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” in front of all the kollel guys.

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Me: “when are you going to start bringing home homework this year?” Fred: “I don’t give a monkey’s gluteus maximus”.

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“Mommy, can I play with the computer?” “No, sorry.” “Why not?” “You were hitting and screaming”. “But mommy, aren’t you used to it by now?”

In the category of “hilariously ridiculously things said to my husband in the Jewish community— thankfully it’s not a LOT of people, just a few— but boy are they noisy”:

My husband got ps’icha 2 weeks in a row (an honor SOMETIMES given to husbands of women about to give birth but that’s not ALWAYS the case). I’m NOT pregnant and nobody thinks I am—- sometimes it’s just an honor and they want to give it to someone active in the synagogue. So this yokel says to my husband “I CERTAINLY hope your wife isn’t pregnant because you two are in WAY over your heads as it is.”

He heard my son scream. ONCE. For a few seconds. And has since called my husband a piece of …. poop.  (the nasty word.) I hear my son scream multiple times a day every day. I think I know why THIS guy was not blessed with the likes of my (very awesome) son.

Friends

I just find this hilarious.

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