Musings from an Orthodox Jewish work at home mom of twins with Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Archive for November, 2012

We’re Expecting!

We’re Expecting………… SNOW this week!  Hooray!

In all seriousness…….. we conceived the twins through IVF.  They are our only children and they both have special needs.  So of course, the question is…. will we have more children.  Would we like to experience parenting a neurotypical child?  For the next 3 years or so, the answer is DEFINITELY no.  We don’t have health insurance.  We’re completely overwhelmed.  We’ve hit a rough spot because I just don’t have the time to work enough hours to pull us up from the financial rough spot.  In 3 years I’ll be 42 years old and that will be my last chance in my opinion.  I’m not giving up on the frozen embryos just yet just in case a transfer is in our future.  But it’s at least three years away.

I just wanted to note this post from my blogging friend.… it’s beautifully written and the undercurrent in everyone’s thoughts as our special needs children get older, even when they don’t say a word is ……”is she done?  why?  why not?”

What about you?  IF you choose to share….. if you’re a special needs mommy, are you planning for more children?  Why?  Why not?  It’s an invasive question—- ignore it unless you WANT to share.

Emailing the teachers

I’ve been emailing the teachers.  DAILY.  There’s ALWAYS something.  ALWAYS.  There’s a fine line between trying to get your child what she needs and being a royal pain in the ass.  I’m not hiring a lawyer and getting all fighty with the school, but I’ve crossed the line into pain in the assville.  Am I going too far?  Being too nice?  Being too wishy washy?  Not standing up enough for my kid?  Demanding too much?  I need a crystal ball.

Here’s today’s installment— Wilma’s IEP is a week from today and they don’t want to move her to a special needs classroom and they don’t want to move her out of the school to a special school— but they also don’t want to give her a one on one aide….. something’s gotta give.  Her first report card was almost all N’s (needs improvement).  She spends more time in the resource room than in the classroom.


hi there!

Let’s keep her in pullups for one more day if you don’t mind— she’s still “cleaning out” with all the laxatives and doing her business a lot more than normal.  Next week we’ll go back to underpants and hope for the best.  🙂

We need to pick her up on Fridays starting tomorrow— this time of year with the Jewish Sabbath coming in so early, we can’t wait for the bus— it’s just cuts it close timewise.  ______ and I worked it out that I’ll be picking up “Fred” and he’ll be picking up “Wilma”.  So don’t put her on the bus on Fridays until further notice, thanks.

She’s having a really rough time for a good half the day these days— lots of zeros for morning (yesterday) OR afternoon (today) and I understand she’s spending a lot of time in the resource room.  I’m afraid that it’s self-perpetuating……..  she screams or tantrums, she gets to spend one on one time with Mrs M or Miss M, and then she doesn’t want to go back to class.  She craves the one on one attention and though she loves her classmates, she prefers the lower stress environment of one on one work—- I see this at Sunday school, as I’m the twins’ aide since they truly can’t handle a neurotypical program without some help.  I give her lots of one on one attention but I keep it related to what’s happening in class and keep her in the room.  I really feel like she’s needing more of a one on one aide in order for her to be able to get out of kindergarten what I need her to get—– the ability to participate as much as possible WITH her classmates.  I understand she missed lunch with her friends at least once (it may or may not be true but she told me she ate lunch in the resource room?)  and I know she’s missing specials (music at least) sometimes.

I know, of course, that money is always an issue with public school but are you in agreement that she needs more one on one assistance so that she may remain IN the classroom?   I know she gets lots of support with you, Mrs M, and with M across the hall, but since you’re also in charge of 1st and 2nd graders too you’re unable to be with her in the classroom as much as she may need.  Perhaps there are certain points during the day that are most challenging for Wilma and she could have Miss M IN the class with her during those times?  So when she screams, she’s not removed TO Mrs M or Miss M but rather she is being coached IN the room to work through her issues and continue with the group?  I HATE to see her skipping specials, or recess, or lunch WITH the group.

We’ll talk more at the IEP, but I just wanted to put that out there.  Fred also has an intervention specialist and intervention specialist aide at his school, but they are IN the classroom with him because they are ONLY assigned to kindergarteners in that classroom and I know that makes a difference for him.  Instead of needing to go to help and be removed from the situation, help is right there.

I think you’re all wonderful and doing a great job, and doing what you can, but I just wonder if there’s a way we can be doing it differently?   I’d love some clarification at the IEP as to when Mrs M or Miss M are working WITH Wilma in the classroom as opposed to Wilma being removed to the resource room.

Thanks so much.

I know I can be a pain (thanks for putting up with me!!)   but if we can’t move her to a special needs classroom and we can’t move her out of the school to an autism school, we need a way for her report card not to have mostly N’s on it and for her to be in the room 99.999% of the time WITH the group.



So Wilma will be 6 in a month and still has never put a poop in the potty or toilet.  Her favorite phrase is “mommy I made a poo poo in my underpants”.  I wouldn’t mind hearing it once a week, but I hear it every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  If she would just TRYYYYY.  I know that neurologically and psychiatrically (sp?) she has plenty going on, but I was convinced that perhaps there was something physical too.  Her nerve endings clearly aren’t wired correctly and I thought that was affecting her.  The school nurse wanted me to bring her to a GI doctor to rule out GI problems.  I was 100% sure she wasn’t constipated, because hey.  She poops everyday.  Multiple times many days.  How can she be constipated?  We didn’t need a GI doc.

The xray proved me wrong.

This week, she’s on milk of magnesia, miralax, and metamucil.  Large doses.  The results have been interesting.

According to the GI doc, if I keep her on maintenance doses through January we can then revisit potty training in January knowing that at least she won’t have all of her business pushing on her rectum and bladder.

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