Musings from an Orthodox Jewish work at home mom of twins with Autism Spectrum Disorders.

We’re Expecting!

We’re Expecting………… SNOW this week!  Hooray!

In all seriousness…….. we conceived the twins through IVF.  They are our only children and they both have special needs.  So of course, the question is…. will we have more children.  Would we like to experience parenting a neurotypical child?  For the next 3 years or so, the answer is DEFINITELY no.  We don’t have health insurance.  We’re completely overwhelmed.  We’ve hit a rough spot because I just don’t have the time to work enough hours to pull us up from the financial rough spot.  In 3 years I’ll be 42 years old and that will be my last chance in my opinion.  I’m not giving up on the frozen embryos just yet just in case a transfer is in our future.  But it’s at least three years away.

I just wanted to note this post from my blogging friend.… it’s beautifully written and the undercurrent in everyone’s thoughts as our special needs children get older, even when they don’t say a word is ……”is she done?  why?  why not?”

What about you?  IF you choose to share….. if you’re a special needs mommy, are you planning for more children?  Why?  Why not?  It’s an invasive question—- ignore it unless you WANT to share.

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Comments on: "We’re Expecting!" (3)

  1. My heart skipped a beat there!! Whoa. lol.
    Dovi was a frozen embryo. I asked my IVF team numerous times if that contributed to his autism, and the answer is always an unequivocal no. Incidentally, he loves frozen food and is always raiding the freezer. Ha.
    Ironically, I’minthe middle of an infertility cycle now. Dovi is over 4 years old and my life is more stable than it’s been since his diagnosis. I feel ready for another baby now if G-d wills it. I have a different perspective onit – and I’ll blog about it eventually too – which is that 1) I’m tired of my life revolving around Dovi’s needs. I want a bit of ‘normalcy’ in my life, which having another child would probably bring. of course, I had to be physically and emotionally ready. I have enough help right now,thank G-d. I could not have done this a year ago or even six months ago. 2) Dovi’s autism and adhd are severe, and most likely at some point he will have to move into a group home. It would create a huge hole in my life, and i really think I should try to have more children.
    All that said, G-d is the one to decide if and when we should have more children. I learned to trust my instincts to decide when it was right to go ahead and think of trying again. Twice I started and was stopped in my tracks by G-d, and it was a difficult pill to swallow but I acknowledged His gentle hug.
    You have to feel ready. If youre not ready, it’s a Divine Sign that it’s not yet time.

    • In many ways I DO feel very ready for just ONE more child. But in the most important way, we’re not ready. We don’t have health insurance and don’t know how we’re going to get it. In order for the government to pay for it I have to stop working and stop trying to dig ourselves out of a financial hole— on hubby’s income alone we’d qualify for health insurance, wic, food stamps, the works. But as long as I’m trying to help our family, we can’t afford health insurance because paying for it ourselves means making over $1000 a month more than we’re currently making. Not qualifying for food stamps means I need to spend my time making an income to pay for groceries. I just can’t make the time to put in enough hours to pay for everything. But at any rate, Fred and Wilma keep us hopping. 🙂

  2. As you already know, we went ahead and had another child and we were blessed that our baby son (now 18 months) is okay in every way and apart from asthma, he doesn’t have severe autism like his big brother. However, when we were considering having another child, we made an appointment with a geneticist, to see whether or not our son with autism had chromosonal “defects”. Hubby and I both had blood tests, as did our son who has autism. Nothing untoward was detected, so although we were advised not to have another child, the thing that worked in our favour was that our two other children (inluding our “healthy” twin) do not have autism or any other issues. “Baby 4” was a healthy, straightforward pregnancy (he was born a few days before my 37th birthday!); my 3rd c.section, but otherwise all ok. I have to admit, it was always in the back of my mind, about hoping and praying that baby didn’t have autism or any other disability, but even if he had, I still would have gone through it anyway, due to my personal faith. I saw a specialist obstetrician (mostly because of my csection and “preemie” history) and I did have extra checkups to ensure all was ok. The biggest thing for me is that it was “a feeling everything would be okay” for this baby, and it was. I truly believed the baby was going to be ok, and he was. I know that for you, and for a bunch of our friends, you have fertility issues, and my heart goes out to you, for that is another barrel of things to work through. That is a path we haven’t had to endure, and also here in my country (NZ) there is a lot of help from our government if you have a child with “special needs”, so in that regard, we instantly receive a “child disability allowance” and we don’t need health insurance here, unless you decide to go “private”. I hope this helps! I don’t have “the golden answer” but for us, it was a “leap of faith” hoping and just “knowing” things would be okay. The 4 year age gap after having twins also helped!

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