Musings from an Orthodox Jewish work at home mom of twins with Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Archive for January, 2013

Dayenu

In Judaism we have a special song we sing at Passover time— if God had given us just this it would have been have been enough.  If he had given us this but not that it would have been enough.  Sometimes when I vent I turn it around.

I’m a bit discouraged this week and just need to throw up my hands and say Dayenu.

If I had twins, Dayenu.

If I had special needs twins, Dayenu.

If I had to work because we can’t survive on hubby’s income alone, Dayenu.

If I had to work evenings because daytime is chewed up by paperwork and meetings, Dayenu.

If I had to do laundry, clean, cook, pay bills, Dayenu.

If I had to go to IEP meetings, ETR meetings, FBA meetings, Dayenu.

If I had to balance the schedules of the outreach worker from the autism center, the outreach worker from the behavior center, the outreach worker from the board of developmental disabilities, Dayenu.

If I had to balance the schedules of the neurologists, psychiatrist, behavior therapist, speech therapist, developmental pediatrician, Dayenu.  (we’re not currently doing OT or PT outside of school hours— they’re six years old and don’t get home till after 4:00 for pete’s sake—- there are only four days a week we can cram after school therapies!)

If I applied for SSI and got denied, Dayenu.  If I re-applied with a lawyer and am killing lots of trees in prep for a second denial and subsequent appeal and court date, Dayenu.

If I HATE the behavior center and am required by three different psychiatrists to take my kids there so I fill out an hour’s worth of paperwork for a new developmental pediatrician so that we can quit the behavior center therapist, outreach worker, and psychiatrist and the new developmental ped can handle our med management, Dayenu.

If I had a daughter who poops herself five or six times most days after school on purpose and NEVER uses a toilet at age six, Dayenu.

If said daughter has a GI doc who claims she’s constipated and is giving her miralax and metamucil protocol each day, Dayenu.

If I have to play the medication roulette game between clonidine, tenex, abilify, focalin, vyvanse for two different children with three different psychiatrists and a developmental pediatrician, Dayenu.

If I have to survive double autism meltdowns in public complete with biting, screaming, flopping and refusing to move, stares from strangers, and unsolicited parenting advice, Dayenu.

If I have to have the school district tell me that they don’t need ABA (and insurance won’t pay for it either), Dayenu.

If I have to have the school district tell me that they’re too high functioning to be sent by the district to an autism school and they can handle them at a regular public school, Dayenu.

If I’d rather send them to a Jewish day school but know that I can’t possibly give up the services we’re getting at public school and have to figure out how to get Judaism into them outside of school hours, Dayenu.

If I, in an effort to save money, want to bring a VERY high rent payment down to a reasonable mortgage payment and am thinking about purchasing our first home at age 39, Dayenu.

If to purchase said home, we need down payment assistance and to qualify to receive the downpayment assistance I have to take a course which requires me to cancel the twins’ after school appointments for an entire week and find an after school babysitter, Dayenu.

If I have to prepare for Purim, Dayenu.

If I have to prepare for Passover, Dayenu.

But put all of them together and you have one very tired work at home mommy.

Vent over.

Tree Killing

The kids are home from school for two weeks for winter break.  I still have to make an income, do some housework, and do….. the paperwork.  I’m not going to say it’s been EASY, but Wilma’s new medication is… dare I say it……. WORKING!  She’s had a couple of massive, horrific temper tantrums….. but just a couple!  There are DAYS that go by with just NORMAL five year old temper tantrums (you all know the difference between a normal five year old tantrumming, and an AUTISM tantrum, right?  My landlord doesn’t— he came to get the rent tonight and he spent five minutes pontificating how his grandchildren also have temper tantrums—- tantrums don’t mean autism…. um helllloooooo.  I LOVE my landlord in every other way so I’m not going to torture him by making him read this blog— but I’m tempted.)

I digress.

Yesterday I hired a babysitter for four hours so that I could photocopy:

Wilma’s ETR x2

Fred’s ETR x2

Wilma’s IEP x2

Fred’s IEP x2

Wilma’s adhd paperwork x2

Wilma’s autism paperwork x2

Wilma’s special speech eval paperwork x2

Fred’s autism paperwork x2

 

And then stand at office max dividing it all up and stapling it all………  1 copy of each for the new developmental pediatrician.  Do we NEED a developmental pediatrician?  No….. we have two neurologists, a psychiatrist (same one for both twins now— THAT’S new!), a therapist, an outreach worker from the behavior center, an outreach worker from the county board of developmental disabilities, an outreach worker from the autism center… and a partridge in a pear tree.  It takes a village, right?  However….. we HATEEEEEEEEEEEEE our required weekly behavior therapy.  All three psychiatrists we’ve tried thus far have required weekly therapy.  The ONLY weekly therapy covered by the twins’ insurance within a half hour of our home is at a behavior center that we’ve grown to dislike VERY much.  And we’re there at LEAST once a week.  We have the outreach worker there, the therapist there, and the psychiatrist there.  Soooooooo at my last meeting with the outreach worker from the autism center, I told her how we’re STUCK at the behavior center which shall remain nameless.  She called a developmental pediatrician to ask her if she’d consider doing our med management (and not require this weekly therapy…..).  We have our first meeting with her on the twenty first.  I HOPE this works out so our Wednesday afternoons could be easier!

1 copy of each for the SSI lawyer.  We tried applying for SSI for one twin and got denied.  I got frustrated and gave up.  But ASIDE from the work I put into my businesses and the work I put into laundry/ bill paying/ cleaning (ok not that much work ha ha)/ cooking…… I put AT LEAST fifteen hours a week into emails, phone calls, paperwork, meetings, and research about these kiddos.  Dammit we need the money.  PAY me for all this damn work.  So we’re re-applying.  With a lawyer.  Wish us luck.

 

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