Recent facebook status updates in which my kids said or did something funny

For your entertainment….

how can a child who has 4 different types of marker sets (some are smelly), at least 3 crayon sets, the largest colored pencil collection of ANY 3rd grader I’ve met….. a nice assortment of smelly pencils…. and he knows he’s getting smelly PENS for his birthday in a few weeks…….. how can this child SCREAM AND CRY that I’m saying NO to buying “duo tip” markers? And hello, you purloined my old scrapbooking markers– those ARE duo tip…… sorry you ain’t getting the exact ones you want you ungrateful art supply hoarder.

This morning’s free entertainment for you brought to you courtesy of my certifiably insane children: They were having a getting dressed race (because I overslept of course) and Fred was winning so he said “I’m red hot— 290,000 KELVIN!” Wilma, having only learned of F and C, but not Kelvin (what 8 year old knows Kelvin?) asks….. “who’s Kelvin”?

Just got a facebook message from Fred’s amazing intervention specialist who reported another incredibly funny one liner from everyone’s favorite 8 year old little professor: *****This was a funny one liner from Fred during Hanukkah…someone asked him what he got as a gift one night and he said “well… I had a tantrum so I got a big dose of Jewish guilt!”*****

usually I make the challah dough 11:00 thursday evening but since my schedule is free today of all the usual Thursday stuff I’m doing it now and having Wilma do all the stirring. I told her she’s stirring the ingredients even better than I do and without missing a beat she informed me “that’s because I’m a trained professional”.

We were eating dinner and I told Fred to eat his grilled zucchini. Fred said, “No, I don’t want to. It squeaks when I eat it.”

Wilma said she thought 5 times 0 is 5. I reminded her it’s zero and anything times zero is zero. Then I told her it was confusing for me back at her age too and she said……”you had multiplication way back then, Mommy?” Yes, dear, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth……

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He’s Gotta Get It Somewhere

I just can’t BELIEVE the things people say to my husband and how little respect he gets.

Today a student sat on his lap (a middle school boy!) because there weren’t enough chairs in the room.  The student was told it was inappropriate so the student said “hey, the guy only has 2 kids— he’s gotta get it somewhere!”

Sometimes my husband wears colored shirts to school.  Or a colorful tallis during davening.  The rich parents are complaining.  If regular parents complain in a private school, nothing happens.  If the RICH parents complain, people get in trouble— for NOTHING.  Tell me where in halacha it says men can’t wear colored shirts.  Or a nice tallis with color.

And because he wears such things, he’s now being called Lipa.  Lipa!

Lately the difference in middos between different schools has been eating at me and I just need to VENT.