Me: “you just showered so what am I smelling? Must just be puberty.” Wilma: “ooh…. great name for a cologne.”
#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf your 11 year old wanders up to you to inform you of today’s letter of the day.
Wilma: “mom, where do babies come from?” Me: ” mommies’ bodies” Wilma: “no I mean….” Me: “gulp”……
Wilma: “Like…. can you order one on amazon?”
Yes dear, and with prime you get free shipping……
In a fit of rage, Wilma tore apart one of her shoes. So my husband said “well I guess you won’t be wearing those anymore”.
Wilma in her nice calm perky manner replied: “well I can still wear ONE of them, just not the other one”.
It’s that time of the evening when there just might be a naked 11 year old loudly singing “Guantanamera”in the bathtub. That’s after he complains that we don’t have enough whiskey to get us through the evening. My life truly is a sitcom.
I was explaining to my husband (in front of Wilma– my mistake) that I’m buying Fred a new toy because I broke his old one and that it’s 20 bucks or so. So Wilma says “if you’re buying Fred something worth 20 bucks why can’t you get ME one of those mini backpacks from Justice I’ve been wanting?” I said…. “I’m not buying him something— I’m replacing something I broke- it was my fault. Have I broken anything of yours?” Oh this kid. She said……
“yes– my heart!”
CP got in trouble for screaming and crying over a mathematical argument at therapeutic horseback riding. (how many inches are in 15.3 hands– horse measurement stuff). #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf
Dinnertime at our household…..
Wilma: Fred is using his chair as a musical instrument!
My husband: So what? You use his butt as a musical instrument!
#youmightbeanautismparentif your ten year old, at 6:45 am, is working on memorizing all the counties of Texas.
Me rushing Fred through the bath time process…. “ok strip and get in the tub”. Fred: “but I don’t want to become a stripper….”
Me to Wilma: “I’m not going to want you in my bed watching the news tonight at 10:30— sleep, please.” My smartass ten year old: “I don’t think the news is on tonight– it’s going to be football.”
#youmightbeanautismparentif your ten year old can calculate sin cos and tan but still manage to put his underwear on backwards.
one thing we’re working on in ABA is dinnertime conversation—- instead just yammering about whatever is on our own mind, we are supposed to ask each other questions. How was your day? (for example) and ask questions about what someone just said, etc.
So Wilma just came home and with no prompting asked “how was your day?” I started to answer and she said “I asked you now so I won’t need to ask you during dinner…..” HAH!
#youmightbeanautismparentif you’re woken up on Shabbos to a ten year old perfectly singing an Irish drinking song in your ear.
In discussing with Miss thang that her cecostomy flushes haven’t been effective for the past couple of days, she said and I quote…. “my colon is on a coffee break”.
#youmightbeanautismparentif your kid goes to mincha with Abba, davens nicely, then waits till the end to announce that the prayers are about loving HaShem….. breaking into Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” in front of all the kollel guys.
Me: “when are you going to start bringing home homework this year?” Fred: “I don’t give a monkey’s gluteus maximus”.
“Mommy, can I play with the computer?” “No, sorry.” “Why not?” “You were hitting and screaming”. “But mommy, aren’t you used to it by now?”
Time to put these in one place—- hilarious kids of mine.
#youmightbeanautismparentif your 9 year old uses pick up lines on the cashier at the pharmacy. And she’s not even good looking. “Did you eat hot peppers? Because YOU SMOKIN’!”
#Youmightbeanautismparentif your 7 year old SON is singing “my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” (this happened two years ago but needs to be categorized here)
#youmightbeanautismparentif notations about what the Dow Jones industrial average is doing are written on your porch in sidewalk chalk by your 6 year old and you’re not phased. Oh…. and the house number of his girlfriend who lives a few streets away. (this one from 3 years ago— entertained yet?)
#youmightbeanautismparentif you tell your 6 year old to try to poop on the toilet (because YOU’RE trained to watch for the dance) and he responds with: “three eights equals point 375.” converting fractions to decimals? NO problem. Taking care of toileting needs? we’re getting there.
#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf at your first time at playground world, your kid is the one memorizing the prices of the play structures and avoiding the actual playing as much as possible. no slides, no rock climbing wall….. I DID get him into a couple swings and hammocks– but one look at the trampoline and he started freaking out.
#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf your kid can tell you that 6! = 720 (who taught him factorials???) but HAS to fall asleep with a particular stuffed animal in his mouth after at least an hour of jumping on the bed.
#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you think hard about what day it is as you’re laying out your kid’s day of the week undies—- you DON’T want to get it wrong.