Two Week Winter Break

I was busy obsessing over thinking about the fact that my kids will have a two week break.  This Friday will be their last day of school until January 10th.  I physically and mentally CANNOT take them by myself most places (we have a system down pat for walmart and target— my kids LOVE CARTS).  The library?  Nope.  Playground?  Nope.  Restaurants?  SOMETIMES but I’d better be prepared for a mini meltdown.  (If you’ve ever seen us at the library or the playground, you’ve seen a MEGA meltdown.  A restaurant is usually a mini meltdown which is the worst meltdown ever for a neurotypical kid— for my kids, it’s a regular day.)  So I CAN take them to restaurants, though I don’t love it.

My husband has to work.  I have to work too, but hey, as long as I can make a full time income after the kiddos go to bed, then my daytime has to be the autism battle zone.  Forget the laundry and the cooking.

SSI denied us so we don’t have play money to get respite.  Respite denied us “extra” funds even though in the board of developmental disabilities paperwork are all the reports from our early childhood intervention specialist stating that taking them places by myself is my biggest problem.  I have ZERO issues taking either kid with me anywhere— yes, there are meltdowns, but no safety issues and nobody except me gets bitten— I use my strategies and I can get out the door without anyone getting hurt.  But put me with both kids and as soon as Wilma decides to flop and refuse to move, Fred turns into a tazmanian devil and bites anyone near him—- I don’t have enough hands to keep Wilma from deciding to run off while I pry Fred off an unsuspecting library patron.  I need both of my hands on both children at that moment.  I’m actually the only person I know who took a rep from the board of developmental disabilities to the playground with me, and Fred’s special ed teacher to the library with me— SO THAT we could come up with strategies SO THAT eventually I can go places without hiring a babysitter for one or both of my children.

Other families during winter break travel or go to museums or special events or parties.  Yeah, we’ll be home.  Want to come over for a play date?

This post sums it up SO nicely— THIS is why you don’t see me and my children out and about so often.

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Describe a Typical Day In The Life of This Child, Morning Through Night

 

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One constant in my life is PAPERWORK.  The SRS, the Vineland, the CFQL, the stuff for the neurologist, the stuff for the genetics guy, the stuff for the psych consult, the stuff for the county board of developmental disabilities, the stuff for school, the stuff for daycamp #1, the stuff for daycamp #2 (they’re in two camps this summer— one just ended and one just began).  I’m always working on some stack of paperwork or another.  Whenever I think I’m done for a few weeks, something else pops up.  The stack I’m working on now is specifically for Fred and I’m not yet ready to say what it’s for.  But I did want to share how I answered one of the questions:  Describe a typical day in the life of this child, morning through night.  I learned about myself and my child while coming up with the answer to this question.  My husband helped me.  THIS is how we spend our Saturday night at 11:00 pm.

As you’re reading this, remember that he’s about to be five years old.

Fred sleeps with a child lock on his door so that before he wakes up he cannot access his sister.  He sleeps in a Goodnites brand overnight diaper with stretch pants and a onesie on top to prevent diaper digging.  He wakes up in a good mood, chewing on his favorite Curious George stuffed animal.

I change and dress him and his twin sister and give them breakfast.  On days he has daycamp or school he rides the bus (in a harness) to school or I drive him and his sister to daycamp (in carseats).  On non school/ camp days, he likes to draw on his magnadoodle, play with blocks, spell with magnet letters, do math workbooks, read books, jump on his trampoline, and be tickled.  He is not as prone to enjoy playdates with children his age or typical games for four year olds as he has trouble taking turns.  He doesn’t enjoy taking walks if the destination is unknown and therefore requires that an adult push a stroller so that when he melts down, he can sit in the stroller.  He requires constant redirection so as not to stim on particular toys or activities.  He needs frequent reminders before activity transitions will take place.

We tend to avoid group activities:  picnics, barbeques, parties.  His behavior in public is completely unpredictable and though at times he is successful, he most often needs lots of support as he tantrums, screams and bites.  He does well in a SMALL group with mostly adults.  In a larger community event or a room with more than two or three children, he is extremely overwhelmed.  We try libraries and playgrounds from time to time but those visits need to be short and well supervised.  As his twin sister also has special needs I can no longer take them both to the library or playground by myself due to his unpredictable behavior.  If she refuses to leave the library, he bites me and then runs off to bite another child while I’m picking her up.

Going to the dentist is a horror show.  Thus far, we’ve been using a dentist who does not put children to sleep.  From now on, we’ll be going elsewhere.  I’m physically incapable of holding him down without getting extremely bruised in the process.  Going to the doctor has been getting steadily better and his behavior is unpredictable—at times he’ll tantrum as we’re walking in and at other times he’ll play happily until he sees that he’s about to be examined.

As he is not yet toilet trained we are sitting him on the potty every hour on the hour.  He does not yet use the potty but he is now comfortable sitting there as long as we don’t ask him to perform.

After plenty of occupational therapy he is now extremely successful with bathtime and enjoys it.  Nail cutting, however, is still a massive challenge and a two adult effort.

At this time he has no problems with eating what is served to him although if he’d rather play than eat, he tantrums and requires a four minute time out in his room before he will buckle down to eat.

He is a good sleeper and sleeps through the night but usually takes a while to settle and runs around his room.  This is typically when he chooses to defecate so I go in and ask him if he needs a change and I change him.  THEN he goes to sleep.

Mothering this child is my greatest joy and my greatest challenge in life.  It’s very difficult to hire a babysitter or  leave him in a room unattended for a few minutes.  However, I need to make an income so I work at home.