There are certain images that engrave themselves on my mind from time to time. Much of the time these images relate to children, teens, or adults with LFA. My children, because they are verbal and toilet trained/training, and cognitively fine, are considered HFA. Yet I sometimes feel very alone in the HFA world as my kids (both of them) have the aggression typically associated with the LFA world. My nose has not YET been broken. I HATE saying YET but it’s the truth. My kids are getting bigger, stronger, and more stubborn. With every glimmer of improvement I see, I also see the possibility of me or their father or one of his teachers (he is aggressive at school as well as home) needing medical attention or God forbid, hospitalization.
HFA support groups don’t focus on aggression, which is our biggest stumbling block. I don’t care if my son has any friends if he can’t stop biting. Let’s get the biting under control first. I don’t care if my daughter speaks nonsense if she throws her shoes at strangers, know what I mean? LFA parents don’t feel welcoming, at times, to me, when they’re confused by my kids’ academic and verbal achievements and write us off as “autism lite”.
One of the images on my mind is this….there is a woman on a facebook group to which I belong who was changing the diaper of her teen boy when he kicked her in the belly hard enough to kill her unborn baby (she was 8 months pregnant).
There are many parents who are afraid for their lives because the meltdowns of their children with autism can be very VERY violent. There are teens and young adults who have killed their parents. There are parents who sleep in shifts.
I thank God every day that the aggression we see in our children is less intense and less severe than the aggression typically seen in those LFA children, teens, and adults whose mothers I’ve befriended. However, even though our aggression is no longer multiple episodes per day and indeed there are full days with NO aggression, I still get extremely frustrated by the comments from ignorant onlookers. “Are they retarded or something?” “Spoiled brats!” “Why don’t you give them a smack?”