It’s Her Party and She’ll Have An Autism Meltdown If She Wants To

Of my twins, Wilma is typically the “higher functioning” of the two, autism wise.  She’s the one who didn’t get kicked out of public school.  She’s the one who can have a conversation with you with relative ease even if she doesn’t look at you.  She’s the one who can generally run an errand or walk through the neighborhood without a horror show ALWAYS happening.  Her meltdowns are severe, but relatively rare these days.  Except….. at her own Bas Mitzvah party.

I planned a 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm dinner event in  a park, half a year after she turned 12, so that we could be outdoors with fresh air, with a playground to which my kids could escape (and all of their friends with special needs), and so that it could be informal (read:  budget of $500 and not a penny more).  I rented the covered picnic pavillion, paid for $200 worth of pizza, an $80 cake, bought $100 worth of sodas and papergoods, sent out the facebook invites and the actual written invites to the few facebook holdouts, and prayed.  I prayed a lot.  I had her write a speech.  It was short and sweet, much like Wilma herself.  *I* wrote a speech—- just a few “Wilma-isms” I’ve collected over the years.  I allowed her (and Fred) to wear whatever they wanted.

The first hour of the party was perfect.  Gorgeous weather, fun with friends, I gave my speech and my husband gave his.  Wilma didn’t want to give hers.  She pushed me and yelled.  I kept a smile on my face and offered to give it for her.  She refused.  A few minutes later she went to the bathroom.  I QUICKLY gave her speech while she was in the bathroom and told the 50 people present “shh don’t tell!”  She had no idea, so even that went off without a hitch.  Non Jewish public school friends were schmoozing with Jewish community friends—- beautiful (and so rare in our community!)

In my next post I’ll describe the second hour of the party.  It was a teeny bit different than the first part.  It’s 1:20 am now— have you noticed I haven’t been making the time to blog?  Life is busy.  This party happened a week ago already.  Suffice it to say—– I needed that week to recover.  More to come!

 

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